How To Deal With Negetivity

How To Deal With Negativity

One of the most common questions I get asked is how to deal with a spouse, relative or close friend who has a tendency to be negative. Clearly in this situation you can’t simply walk away and spend all your time with positive people

Imagine for a moment that your spouse, relative or friend is like a glass that is filled with a dark liquid which represents their negativity

A lot of people try to rectify this situation by saying things like, “I really wish you’d stop being so negative all the time!”

The problem with this approach is that criticism is a form of negative energy and you are therefore adding more negativity to the situation which usually makes things worse not better.

So what’s the answer?

The answer is to pour positive energy into their glass instead!

As you continue to pour positive energy into their glass their negativity will slowly be diluted. Here are five ways to do this in the real world:

(1) Share fun and enjoyable experiences together. It is hard for people to be negative when they are having fun.

(2) Don’t dwell on negative conversations. When your spouse, relative or friend starts being negative, redirect the conversation to a less contentious topic. An effective way to do this is by asking a qustion about a new topic.

(3) Be a positive example. Continue to enjoy your life even if you initially have to do it alone. As you enjoy yourself, continually invite your spouse, relative or friend to join in the fun.

(4) Coordinate an Escape. Often negativity comes from staying in a negative environment for too long. A great way to help your spouse, relative or friend is to assist them to escape that environment on a regular basis. This can be as simple as getting out of the house and going for a walk. A complete change of scene can often act as a pressure valve and help you reconnect.

(5) Identify and Replace negative routines. Review how you spend time with your spouse, relative or friend and identify negative routines such as complaining about your job every week at Friday night drinks. Once you’ve identified a negative routine, replace it with something different to break the pattern of negativity.

At the end of the day, we all have a tendency to be negative at times and what we need at those times is someone to help lift us up rather than criticise us for being negative. Therefore the most effective way to deal with negativity is to dilute it with positive experiences and positive energy.

Until next time,

Dare To Dream!

article from http://www.anthonyfernando.com/2007/12/01/how-to-deal-with-negative-people/ on the 11/02/2008

Formula For Success

The winners in life know the rules of the game and have a plan. Whether you’re looking to heal a relationship, get a new job, lose weight or find inner peace, consider these characteristics which Dr. Phil says are common to people who succeed.

Have a vision.
Champions get what they want because they know what they want. They have a vision that keeps them motivated and efficiently on track. They see it, feel it, and experience it in their minds and hearts. What is success for you? You won’t get there without knowing what it feels and looks like.

Make a strategy.
People who consistently win have a clear and thoughtful strategy. They know what they need to do and when they need to do it. They write it down so they stay on course, and avoid any alternative that does not get them closer to the finish line.

Find a passion.
Are you excited to get up in the morning? People with a passion are, and they’re energized about what they are doing. You need to live and breathe what it is that you want, and be passionately invested in both the journey and the goal.

Live the truth.
People who consistently win have no room in their lives for denial, fantasy or fiction. They are self-critical rather than self-deluding, and they hold themselves to high but realistic standards. They deal with the truth, since they recognize that nothing else will make their vision obtainable.

Be flexible.
Life is not a success-only journey. Even the best-laid plans sometimes must be altered and changed. Be open to input and consider any potentially viable alternative. Be willing to be wrong and be willing to start over.

Take risks.
People who consistently win are willing to get out of their comfort zone and try new things. Be willing to plunge into the unknown if necessary, and leave behind the safe, unchallenging, and familiar existence in order to have more.

Create a strong nucleus.
Surround yourself with a group of people who want you to succeed. They will move with you toward your goal. Choose and bond with people who have skills, talents and abilities that you do not. Winners give and receive by being part of other people’s nuclear groups.

Take action.
Do it! People who succeed don’t just sit and think about what they want to do. They take meaningful, purposeful, directional action consistently and persistently. Every step they take puts them toward the outcome they’re looking for.

Set priorities.
People who are consistent winners manage their challenges in hierarchical fashion. They commit to managing their time in such a way that does not allow them to spend time grinding along on priority number two or three if priority number one needs their attention.

Take care of yourself.
People who consistently win are consciously committed to self-management. They are the most important resource they have in achieving their goals. They actively manage their mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health.

Summary of what you can do to be success. Simple enough to start taking some actions towards a victorious life. Enjoy!

article taken from http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/15 on the 5th of february 2008

7 Steps To Reaching Your Goals

Successfully executing any personal strategic plan for change requires that as you develop your plan, you effectively incorporate these seven steps for attaining each and every goal.

1. Express your goal in terms of specific events or behaviors.
For a dream to become a goal, it has to be specifically defined in terms of operations, meaning what will be done. When a goal is broken down into steps, it can be managed and pursued much more directly. “Being happy,” for example, is neither an event nor a behavior. When you set out to identify a goal, define what you want in clear and specific terms.

2. Express your goal in terms that can be measured.
How else will you be able to determine your level of progress, or even know when you have successfully arrived where you wanted to be? For instance, how much money do you aspire to make?

3. Assign a timeline to your goal.
Once you have determined precisely what it is you want, you must decide on a timeframe for having it. The deadline you’ve created fosters a sense of urgency or purpose, which in turn will serve as an important motivator, and prevent inertia or procrastination.

4. Choose a goal you can control.
Unlike dreams, which allow you to fantasize about events over which you have no control, goals have to do with aspects of your existence that you control and can therefore manipulate. In identifying your goal, strive for what you can create, not for what you can’t.

5. Plan and program a strategy that will get you to your goal. Pursuing a goal seriously requires that you realistically assess the obstacles and resources involved, and that you create a strategy for navigating that reality. Willpower is unreliable, fickle fuel because it is based on your emotions. Your environment, your schedule and your accountability must be programmed in such a way that all three support you — long after an emotional high is gone. Life is full of temptations and opportunities to fail. Those temptations and opportunities compete with your more constructive and task-oriented behavior. Without programming, you will find it much harder to stay the course.

6. Define your goal in terms of steps.
Major life changes don’t just happen; they happen one step at a time. Steady progress, through well-chosen, realistic, interval steps, produces results in the end. Know what those steps are before you set out.

7. Create accountability for your progress toward your goal.

Without accountability, people are apt to con themselves. If you know precisely what you want, when you want it — and there are real consequences for not doing the assigned work — you are much more likely to continue in your pursuit of your goal. Find someone in your circle of family or friends to whom you can be accountable. Make periodic reports on your progress.

These are simple but practical steps that you can take towards success. This can be used in any kind of success you desire. All the best in your future!

article taken from http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/45 on the 4th of february 2008

Inspirations…Just thought it might help

Teenage Success Stories:

 Yours Could Start Today

by Kae Tattersall

Would you like to have more money in your pocket, face the future with more confidence and be able to set up a successful business for yourself? It is easier than you think. All it takes is a dream and a little thought and planning. Look at what these teenagers were able to accomplish:

Dorothy started her business at the age of 14, selling stick-insect eggs by mail order. Less than 20 years later, she is Great Britain’s biggest breeder of stick insects. Her company sells 50,000 a year.

Because she had experience with insects and knew she wanted to make a career in the insect business, Dorothy studied applied biology at a university, designing the right kind of insect houses and researching proper feeding facilities for her insects.

This greatly increased her ability to supply the whole package to her customers. She found that many people who worked all day wanted a pet but could not provide the attention needed by a dog or cat. Stick insects (called walkingsticks in some countries) were the ideal answer for some, and her beautifully designed cages are just as attractive in a room as any aquarium.

Naomi is a 13-year-old entrepreneur. “I was 11 when I started breeding guinea pigs for a bit of pocket money,” she said. “I bought a female guinea pig from a pet shop. The lady at the shop told me that the guinea pig was probably pregnant and she would buy the babies back from me when they were six to eight weeks old. My parents gave me some money to buy more hutches, and my brother, who was 10 at the time, went into business with me.”

Since first selling the animals, says Naomi, she has learned all about guinea pigs. She’s had to concern herself with cash flow, quality control and the responsibility of running a small business.

“Some of the money we make has to be saved to buy hay and more hutches and to pay for veterinary bills,” she says. “Having to look after so many animals takes a lot of time and work. I never realized making money was so much work. If the animals aren’t well looked after, they become dirty or even sick. So we have a responsibility to the pet shop to supply the very best product we can. If we don’t, we would no longer have a market, because the pet shop wants to keep their good reputation.”

Now that Naomi has run a guinea-pig business, she would like to work with bigger animals, perhaps horses. “Or working in a zoo would be fun!”

It sounds easy, doesn’t it? But how do you get started?

First, brainstorm. Divide a piece of paper into three columns. In column one, write what you want to accomplish in the next five years or so-a really good job, financing for college, more money or whatever you would like to do. In the middle column write down what it would take to accomplish this.

Consider, for example, financing four years of college. One young man did just that.

Ben’s family helped him turn an after-school job cleaning swimming pools and mowing lawns into a successful and valuable service. Because of the skills he developed through hard work, he landed a position with a large company, which paid his college fees, provided him training in a career and guaranteed him a job after graduation.

The company was not looking for a high-powered businessman; it wanted someone who had learned financial expertise and the value of customer satisfaction and perseverance-all vital entrepreneurial skills. Ben got the position because he had taught himself the one thing every company is looking for: self-motivation.

In the third column of your paper write down your interests along with any potential money-making ideas you can think of. Do you have any hobbies like Dorothy’s or Naomi’s? Can you provide a service like Ben’s? Do you have any special skill that could be developed to earn money?

Richard is an example of developing and using his skills to earn money. At the age of 15 he learned leather craft at a summer camp. He lived in a remote community in Wales, a place of few employment opportunities. However, Richard made small items he could sell at the only shop in his village.

Because he could provide a service and was determined to produce the highest-quality work, his reputation and his profit margin grew. Soon Richard could buy larger quantities of leather, which he made into beautifully tooled handbags and purses. These he sold in a larger shop in the neighboring village. Each item contained an offer to hand-tool initials on the item free of charge. This led to even more sales in the form of commissions for large items. Soon Richard had more orders than he could fill.

A secret to these teenage success stories is finding a niche in the market that no one else is filling. Research is vital before you start. If you hope to exploit a skill, make friends with local store and shop owners. Look for something they don’t sell or something you can produce better or less expensively. Show your samples.

If you hope to provide a service, make sure you can do it well enough and consistently enough to supply a number of clients. When advertising a service, offering a first-time free trial can win potential customers.

The often overlooked dimension to a long and successful career is reliance on God, and perseverance. As God said through King Solomon, “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might” (Ecclesiastes 9:10), and he who heeds God’s Word “will find good, and whoever trusts in the LORD, happy is he” (Proverbs 16:20).

Don’t be afraid to dream. Talk to your parents, teachers and other adults about making your dreams a reality. It takes courage, confidence, ingenuity and hard thinking to come up with a money-making idea and plan. But if you do you will be well on your way to finding a good job or starting a career. The next teenage success story we read could be yours! GN

Be inspired by all these stories. We were all born to succeed, not fail. Be successful is not being mediocre but doing it better than standard. Read and ask yourself, “can I be like them?”

Certainly you can! If they could do it, so could you!